Indigenous Thinkers

         First memory of “being socialized” is in the first grade of catholic school. I woke up late that morning, so I didn’t run next door to my grandma’s for breakfast. I through on my uniform and ran off to class. I always remember this building as being dark, small windows which were higher than even the sisters’ heads. The windows that face a court yard and main entrance, although large, did not seem let the New Mexico sun in. Maybe this was by design since we had no air conditioning. I sit in my desk and soon I am being called out. One of the sister’s takes me outside and she asks me if I forgot something this morning? Hun, “no”, I say. She tells me to look down, so I do. I follow the concrete floor to my shoes and plaid skirt. I am still wearing my pajamas under my uniform. Clothing is a socialized process.

         Second memory is a teacher in the public school who tries to force me to hold my pencil in a specific way, even though I am able to complete tasks assigned to me. She chooses to punish me for my technique and not performance.

         Socialization begins to be specific to my heritage as I enter Jr. High School. The history is not reflective of the people I know. Indians don’t exist except as raiders and slaves. The Indian students are educated with “the board of education”: a wooden paddle that interface with my bottom on numerous occasions.

         Again in High School the history of my tribe is not accurate. We are either not included in the books or called savages. I confront the teachers about the missing information about the Spanish and Apache people. Of course I am disciplined for being social conscious, for asking too many questions, sent to the principles office. They also have a board of education or a belt but I get lucky, the assistant principles in and he just talks to me. We have a great conversation and I end up taking his class in pre-algebra the next year. I take classes for college prep, not because I am told that I should go to college but because I wanted to a vet.

         When I attend my first year of college at Ft. Lewis, the financial aid office and made a mistake in their awards which caused them to tell a group of students that we had been over awarded. We were informed that if we didn’t pay back the money before the end of the semester which was one month away, we would be dis-enrolled. I had no parents who could give me money for school and I wanted to prove that I could be an adult at the ripe age of 18. I was not enlisting the support of my tribe, at the time. I was kicked out of school and never went back. Next time I enrolled in classes at a university I did apply with the tribe for support and advice.

          I was socializing into the Army National Guard by ex-Vietnam vets, who nurtured my independent nature into leadership and comrades. This socialization is a unique view into how boarding schools were designed and modeled after military socialization. I read in a recent thesis from the War College of Carlisle that the Indian children were considered hostages for keeping the tribal leaders in control. The rhetoric was we are educating your children to be successful in the United States but the mission was to retain the children as a means of controlling resistence on the reservations.

          When I went to California for vocational training in electronics, people were adamant about changing my dialect to conform to their pronunciation of English. I was in the heartland of wine country where the Mexican immigrants came to pick the grapes. People here treated immigrants with distain and prejudice.

I needed an alarm clock so I purchased one which didn’t work. When I tried to return it, I was informed by the customer service representative that they do not accept exchanges and I could not get a refund. He told me that I couldn’t get a new alarm clock because it was a closeout model and there were none left. I was furious and asked to speak to the manager, who also reinstated that it was their policy not to refund or exchange merchandise, especially on closeout items. I asked for the store number, the district supervisor’s name and phone number and the address of their office. At which point, the manager informed me that he would make an exception and lead me back to the aisle that contained alarm clocks. He told me I could have any alarm clock there. So I picked the most expensive one, and walked away another satisfied customer. If I did not know my rights as a consumer, I would have lost my money, dignity, respect and self esteem.

          While in California, I was told that it was common knowledge that all Indian students had a learning disability and therefore the state had decided that they would not receive additional educational assistance or support in their studies because it was a cultural defect. The socialization of institutions began in earnest now.

           If dealing with the institutionalized prejudice of a fraternity is being “socialized” into the “Ivory Tower”, then I have just experienced the socialization of prejudice which has had the opportunity to refine the methods and rhetoric of intimidation and harassment. Me and my friend were parked in an alley behind a frat house at the U of A called Sigma Alpha Epsilon, when an accident occurred which has traumatized and continues to effect our experiences here.  We were called “Trash Diggers”, interrogated repeatedly by the frat house as they exited for a party dressed as cowboys and Indians. We were told to “go back home” and never to be seen walking in their ally. We told the Dean of Students who was supportive and understanding at first but the final decision was that we were the aggressors. The university found no violation of the Student Code of Conduct. She said we did not provide enough evidence to prove our case. I was told that I had to collect the evidence for the Dean of Students to review because the dean of Students does not have the authority to investigate and secure 911 tapes or University police reports. The socialization of private property on a university and organized harassment by the University police and Sigma Alpha Epsilon begins our first year at the U of A.

             Everyone says you have to weigh your choices, pick your battles, and figure out what is worth fighting for and over. Everyone asks what you would like to see done, what can we do to help? Then over time the story changes and we have no right to be angry, to be sad, to express our concerns. The socialization into a city which has a high working class of immigrants (70%) begins with the blind eyes of a university that is tipping the scales with the “Ivory Tower”.